[crickets chirping]
&&[Glass Concrete & Stone by David Byrne pIaying]
& Now I'm wakin' at the crack of dawn &
& To send a little money home &
& From here to the moon &
& is risin' like a discotheque &
& And now my bags are down and packed &
& For traveling &
(anchor woman) After months of speculation
analysts expect an announcement this week
that GlobeCom International will acquire Waterman Publishing
and its flagship magazine, Sports America.
The man at the helm of GlobeCom,
billionaire media magnate Teddy K.
has been on a spending spree recently,
acquiring a food service company, a cable operator
and two telecommunications providers
in deals totaling more than $13 billion.
And how did one lucky ferret owner come to own
the largest dog treat manufacturer on the East Coast?
& Skin, that covers me from head to toe &
& Except a couple tiny holes &
& And openings &
& Where, the city's blowin' in and out &
& This is what it's all about &
& Delightfully &
& Everything's possible &
& When you're an animal, not inconceivable &
& How things can change &
& I know &
& So I'm puttin' on aftershave &
& Nothin' is out of place &
& Gonna be on my way &
& Try to pretend &
& It's not only &
& Glass and concrete and stone &
& That it's just a house, not a home &&
(Dan) Mr. KaIb.
Dan.
Thanks for the Lakers tickets.
You bet.
Seats were terrific.
But I'm still not going to advertise in the magazine.
My son-in-Iaw tells me that peopIe don't read much anymore.
Too much effort moving the eyes back and forth.
So we're gonna put most of our budget
into teIevision, radio, Internet.
Okay.
¡°Okay¡±? What does that mean?
I'm not gonna try to sell you.
Why the hell not? You're a saIesman.
Yeah. Just not a very good one, that's all.
I'll say.
But I am gonna ask you one favor.
Oh, yeah?
I'm gonna Ieave you an issue of the magazine.
And I'm personally gonna send you a new one every week.
Now, I'll call you in a few weeks,
and if you want to, we'll taIk.
There's a great articIe in there
comparing today's quarterbacks with Johnny Unitas.
[scoffing]
Unitas wouId kick their butts.
[chuckIes]
So, this is your saIes pitch?
I've been with the magazine for 20 years. I beIieve in it.
Well, good for you.
So, are you worried about all these rumors
that your parent company is about to be soId?
No, not really.
I don't see how it wouId affect us.
Well, hopefully it won't.
You know, that Teddy K. character
offered to buy my business a few years ago.
I toId him to go screwhimseIf.
[chuckIing]
My son-in-Iaw says I'm a dinosaur.
Don't knock dinosaurs. They ruIed the earth for millions of years.
[chuckIing] They must've been doing something right
(Carter) SimpIy put, we are never gonna be abIe to reach
this significant, untapped market,
untiI we Iearn to think Iike them.
In point of fact,
Iess than .05 percent of all cell phone users
are under the age of 5 years oId.
That's why we have the T-Rex phone
and the Triceratops phone, and the PterodactyI phone.
'Cause it's gonna change all of that
and each one of these phones has its own unique ring.
[roaring]
[mimicking chiId] Mommy, Mommy, I want one.
Buy me one for Christmas.
P.F.G., Carter. P.F.G.
What's P.F.G.?
Pretty fricking good.
GentIemen, Iadies. I have an announcement to make£º
It's on.
Teddy K. has busted his move
and we are taking over Waterman PubIishing.
Ow£¡
Let's give it up for Teddy K.
[hooting]
The man has vision. He's a maniac.
And, I guess it's okay to tell you Teddy K.
has personally asked me to go over there
and turn around marketing in the magazine division.
So, if you'll excuse me...
Carry on.
Waterman£¡ That's incredibIe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mark. Mark, you're taking me with you.
Tell me you are taking me with you.
Carter, I'm gonna take that pIace
and whip its fat ass into shape.
And... And?
I want you to come run ad saIes at Sports America.
I knew it. I knew it.
The magazine's a cash cow.
It's the cornerstone.
I mentioned your name to Teddy K.
He Iiked what you did with cell phones.
Oh, hoId up, hoId up. I'm...
I'm sorry. Teddy K. knows my name?
I'm gonna tell you something.
And I don't want it to go to your head.
You're being groomed.
I'm being groomed? Yeah.
Mark. Thank you.
Thank you. I am going to kick so much ass for you.
I'm gonna take no prisoners.
I'll be your ninja assassin.
Wow. You're the new me.
No, I'm the new me.
CongratuIations.
[chuckIing]
What's up?
[engine starting]
[knocking on door]
Hey, Dad.
Hey, button.
What are you still doing awake?
CouIdn't sIeep.
Can't sIeep?
What, were you worried about something?
No, not really.
[sighing]
'Cause, uh,
you know if--if--if you are worried about something
you can aIways taIk to me about anything.
Remember? You know
when you were a IittIe girI we crossed our hearts
and said we'd aIways tell each other everything.
Be honest with one another.
[chuckIing]
Yeah.
I'm kind of tired.
Hmm. Okay.
We still gonna hit tomorrow?
Yeah, sure.
All right. I'll see you then. I Iove you.
I Iove you, too.
[Ann grunting]
[sighing]
Hmm.
Uh, what time is it?
It's after 3£º00. Go back to sIeep, honey.
Sorry I woke you up.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Honey,
does AIex have a new boyfriend?
Uh, no.
W-What about that Myron kid?
I think that they're just friends.
Yeah.
[whispering] I'm pregnant.
What?
[sighing]
I'm sorry. I thought you said that you were pregnant.
Yeah.
You can't be pregnant.
Yeah, I can. I'm... I am.
Now, how couId that happen?
Well, I think that you were there, too.
No, honey.
You know you're done with all that.
That's what Dr. Steinberg said, but he was wrong.
You're pregnant? Yep.
HoIy crap.
HoIy crap£¡
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Does it feeI Iike a boy?
Right now it feeIs Iike a stomach fIu.
You can't be serious. Are you serious?
[whispering] I am serious.
[moaning]
This is fine. This is fine.
This is... This is fine.
Yeah.
That means when he's 21 ,
I'll be 72.
Three.
Two. Three.
HoIy crap.
I'm just so excited. I'm so excited.
Is excitement contagious or what?
Um, no.
I'm being groomed. I'm being groomed.
Do you have any idea what this means?
That you're a chimpanzee?
It means that we're on the road.
You know, things are fallin' into pIace.
We can buy a bigger house.
We can have kids. You know?
[chuckIing]
I'm sorry. We got a Iife going on here£¡
Carter, it's 3£º00 a.m.
How much more enthusiasm are we Iooking at here?
1 5 minutes? An hour?
Honey, I'm sorry.
It's just, Teddy K. knows my name.
Are you even quaIified for this job?
What? Yes. Sure.
Selling cell phones, selling ad space.
You know, it's all the same crap.
Anyway, it's just a stepping-stone.
Love you.
Love you, too.
The Iight. Yep.
[dog barking]
We're all gonna get fired.
Well, anything's possibIe.
No, it's not possibIe. It's probabIe.
(Lou) Did you hear about this Teddy K. guy?
Hear about him? Everybody's heard about him.
I heard he's an aIbino, but he covers it with makeup.
AIicia. Yes. What?
Are you fired?
What? No£¡ What? Why?
You haven't heard anything.
Why? Are you fired?
Uh, I'm sorry.
Are--are you saying I'm fired?
No, no, not yet. I mean not yet, Dan.
I'm... I can't predict the future. Um,
the thing is, Dan,
you're not head of ad saIes anymore.
Carter Duryea is.
Who is Carter Duryea?
Some hotshot from GIobeCom.
This a bummer, Dan. It's a reaI bummer.
But you're Iucky. A Iot of peopIe are getting canned immediateIy
across the company.
Are you getting fired?
Me? No.
This is a joke. This is a joke.
We have had our biggest year ever this year.
My saIes team works incredibIy hard.
I'm not gonna put up with this.
Well, you have to put up with it.
What are you gonna do, start somewhere new?
You're not a kid anymore.
You knowhow tough it is out there.
PeopIe are cutting back.
They're not Iooking for guys Iike you who make a decent saIary.
Hey, buddy, I am as pissed off about this as you are.
So then why are you smiIing?
I'm not smiIing.
Yeah, your Iips are curIing up.
They do that naturally, Dan.
[sighing]
[cars honking]
[eIevator bell dings]
HoId up£¡ HoId up£¡ Thank you. Thanks.
[AIex cIearing throat]
47. Are you going to Sports America offices?
Yeah.
You an intern or something?
Uh, no, my dad works there.
Oh.
Are you interning there?
No, I'm starting a job there today.
That's cooI. CongratuIations.
Oh, thank you.
I'm totally scared shitIess. I have no idea what I'm doing.
Don't tell anyone, okay?
Okay.
[eIevator bell dinging]
PIease.
Thank you.
[sighing]
(Theo) Dan, your daughter's here. She is?
Hey, boss, what's this gonna do to our stock options?
I have no idea. Don't call me ¡°boss.¡±
Now, Iook. I insist. Let me take that.
No, that's okay. I'll hoId onto it. Oh, no, really.
Dan, you hear anything? Are we fired?
Mr. CoIon is so excited to work with--
Oh, God. I'm sorry. Christ.
(Carter) No, I'm sorry. You okay?
I'm fine. It was all my fauIt.
Uh, you okay?
Yeah, uh, no broken bones.
No harm, no fouI. Terrific.
(receptionist) Okay, terrific.
Hey, champ.
Hi, what are you doing here?
Tennis.
Oh, sorry. Yeah. Yeah.
Why? Is today a bad day?
Ah, no.
No, no, it's--it's fine. It's just... To hell with it.
Let's...
Let's go. Come on.
Okay.
[grunting]
You all right?
[grunting]
Man, you sort of sucked today.
[snorting]
I was just hoIding back to give you some confidence.
Yeah, right. Yeah.
You're an oId man.
[grunting]
Hey, Dad.
Yeah?
Remember when I said I might want to transfer to NYU?
Yeah.
Well, I got in.
What, to NYU?
Yeah.
Sweetheart, that's fantastic.
Yeah.
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
You'd--you'd have to Iive here in the city, though.
Yeah. And, uh, I want to study creative writing.
And NYU has such a great program.
But what about SUNY and the tennis team?
Dad, I'm not gonna be a professionaI tennis pIayer.
Well, Iook, sweetheart, being a writer is just as tough.
You're Iiving in the city and I don't-- I don't-- I don't Iike that idea.
This is a IoneIy pIace.
You got to have street smarts.
I don't think that's such a good idea.
Dad,
I want to try Iiving in the city.
And
I know that NYU is more expensive,
but it wouId be such a great experience for me.
Yeah. It is more expensive.
Yeah.
But
it's your education.
Yeah.
That's the most important thing, right?
Yeah.
We couId manage it.
[excIaiming]
Dad£¡
What?
You're drenched.
Oh. Oh.
I think you're gonna be very happy here.
You're really stepping into an all-star team.
Oh, uh, this is Morty WexIer.
Morty, Carter Duryea.
Duryea. You're on the Ford account, right?
Correct.
Well, it's a pIeasure to meet you.
You, too. I'm really Iooking forward to working with you.
Oh, terrific. Thanks.
Okay.
¡°I really Iook forward to working with you.¡±
[sucking]
Bite me.
Uh, we have a terrific office for you.
Great view. Um, It's not cIeared out yet. But, uh...
Not bad, huh?
Uh, excuse me a second? I'm going to use the IittIe boys' room.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Tasty.
[eIevator bell dinging]
[door opening]
May I heIp you?
Oh, I'm sorry. This is your office.
Yeah.
You're the guy I bumped into.
Dan Foreman. Carter Duryea.
You're Carter Duryea?
Yes, and, uh, it's a pIeasure to meet you.
The Carter Duryea that's come in to run ad saIes?
That's correct.
How oId are you?
I'm 26 years oId.
Twenty-six
and you're my new boss.
[chuckIing] Uh, I guess so.
That's, uh, that's quite a...
[chuckIing] That's quite a kung-fu grip you got there, Dan.
Oh, well. So,
what kind of experience do you have in ad saIes?
Uh, well, I'll be honest with you, Dan.
Not much.
How much?
Um...
None.
That's not much.
But I'm a fast Iearner, Dan.
Hey, now that you know how oId I am,
how oId are you?
I'm 51 .
Fif... Wow£¡
[both chuckIing]
Wow. That's crazy. Yeah.
That's Iike a year oIder than my dad, so that's weird.
Oh, well, this is... This is great.
You two have met.
Are you kidding me? We are oId buddies by now.
Dan, it was a pIeasure to meet you.
PIeasure.
Um, Dan, you want this door cIosed? Or...
[cIearing throat] Yeah, you can go, um, go ahead and cIose it.
[door cIosing]
[metallic cIanking]
So it was pretty unexpected.
But it's--it's Iike a pretty big promotion.
That's fantastic£¡ Way to go.
So, uh, the Boxster S has more guts.
You'll sure feeI the extra horsepower.
But if you really wanna go,
I'd say take the 91 1 Carrera.
I'm gonna go with the 91 1 .
&&[Sister Surround by Soundtrack of Our Lives pIaying]
[sighing]
& You're a rhyme without reason &
& And you know it so well &
& Well, who's the king of the season &
& Well, you never can tell &
Go ahead.
& Though it's so plain to see &
Carter.
& Surround sister &
& 'Cause I'm not afraid to fall &
Yeah.
& No, I'm not afraid to fall &&
[engine revving]
[gIass shattering]
[whooshing]
Jackass£¡
[cIanking]
[crickets chirping]
[door cIoses]
Hey.
Hi.
Uh, I hurt my arm. But I-I'm okay.
I'm gIad you're okay.
Carter.
Kimmy.
Kimmy, again?
[chuckIing]
Seven months? We've been married...
Come on.
Okay, I know things have been a IittIe off.
I've been swamped at work.
I mean, God, I shouId have taken you on a reaI honeymoon.
Well, I shouId have just shut that cell phone off. It was...
It was ringing off the hook.
That's--that's my bad.
You know, this whoIe thing is my fauIt.
Okay, here's the good news.
I can change. I'm gonna change.
This--this has actually been a very good Iesson for me. Thank you.
Don't try to sell me, Carter.
I Iove you, Kim.
Kim, I want to have kids with you.
But I don't want to have kids with you.
I don't even know if I want to have kids.
I toId you that.
I toId you that on our second date.
Wow, I thought you were kidding.
Carter, is this really such a surprise to you?
Are you sIeeping with somebody eIse?
I was, but I broke up with him.
Well, it must have been really rough on him.
Well,
I'll be at my parents'.
They're really excited to have me back.
[heart beating]
[door cIosing]
(doctor) We're gonna hear two heartbeats now.
(Ann) Mmm-hmm.
That strong, sIower one is yours, mom.
[heart beating fast]
And that... that's your baby's heartbeat.
[gasping]
Oh, my God£¡
Nice, strong heartbeat.
That's your new baby, Dan.
[heart beating rapidIy]
Dan?
[panting] Yeah?
Are you okay?
Uh, yeah.
That's fantastic.
Uh, I'm feeIing a IittIe, uh...
[chuckIing]
(doctor) You are having a IittIe bit of arrhythmia.
Have you been drinking a Iot of caffeine IateIy?
No.
You under a Iot of stress?
Well, I...
I did sort of get demoted at work.
Ah.
You what?
Yeah.
I, uh... We'll taIk.
[dog barking]
[crickets chirping]
[car seat whirring]
[cars honking]
[guIping]
Another?
Yeah, just keep them coming. You don't even have to ask.
[sighs]
How was everyone's weekend? Fun?
I'm sorry. That was, uh...
[sighing]
[exhaIes]
[cIearing throat]
Um, I'd Iike to thank everyone for joining me here.
Teddy K. has an... has a thing
that what makes GIobeCom great is the men and women
of GIobeCom.
Is it Iike a thousand degrees in here or is it me?
[chuckIing] It's Iike...
It's me.
I have an agenda.
And you're gonna Iearn this about me. I'm a machine.
What was I saying about the...
(AIicia) An agenda.
An agenda, I have an agenda.
[sighing]
Which is that I have to immediateIy, um,
increase the ad pages here by 20 percent.
20 percent? Carter, onIy a startup magazine can do that.
Yeah, well, I think this team can do it, Dan.
Um, how?
Well, Morty, basically what we--
God, that's an awesome question.
¡°How?¡±
And the answer
is synergy.
We need to team up here.
Yeah, we need to synchronize
and we need to synergize.
We're not aIone. We're not aIone.
We're part of one of the biggest muItimedia
and brand name companies in the known universe, okay?
Let's--Iet's take advantage of that, Iike, uh...
Like...
Krispity Krunch.
Did anyone know that, uh,
one of our sister companies is Krispity Krunch?
So?
So we taIk to our brothers and sisters over at Krispity Krunch.
We make a deaI where we suppIy
sports factoids to their boxes.
So that when Joe Couch Potato is sitting there,
he's, uh, snacking, he Iooks down, and what does he see?
Sports America Krispity Krunch sports factoids.
He's definiteIy buying more Krispity Krunch
and not Krunch 'n KrackIe
which, by the way, Iooks and tastes exactIy the same.
But guess what? No sports factoids.
And Krispity Krunch is so happy they guarantee us 28 pages a year.
Besides which, they know if they don't,
Teddy K. is gonna be pissed.
What is that? What am I taIking about here, peopIe?
Synergy.
Isn't that cheating?
No, no. Hell, no.
And, uh, TechIine cell phones.
We own TechIine cell phones.
Guess what we put on their browser?
Factoids.
Yes£¡ Factoids£¡ Synergy£¡
And what eIse? Uh, box scores. And ads£¡
We make a deaI Iike a 1 00,000 hits on the Internet
has the equivaIent vaIue of one ad page of our hard copy.
Are you getting it, peopIe?
The magazine has become just a portaI
to a synergized worId of cross-promotion.
We're gonna bust things wide open.
We are gonna take things to the next IeveI.
Who's with me? Who's with me? Who-- who's psyched?
Lou, are you psyched?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm psyched.
Okay.
AIicia, are you psyched?
AbsoIuteIy.
Better. This guy. I'm sorry, I don't know your name yet.
Hector. I'm in maintenance.
That's cooI. Hector...
Hector, I know you're psyched.
I'm psyched£¡
[all Iaughing]
Yes, Hector's psyched£¡
And if Hector's psyched, then you know I'm psyched.
I am psyched for this team.
Now who eIse is with me? Who's psyched?
(all) I'm psyched£¡
(Carter) Excellent. Who eIse? Come on.
Who do you think will be the first to get canned?
My money's on Dan. He's prehistoric.
Sorry, Dan.
Thanks for joining me for Iunch.
You Iike sushi?
I'll just stick with the teriyaki.
You shouId try some.
The spicy tuna here is money.
Come here. Get that.
Get that.
Yeah, go fishing, man.
Yeah.
[grunting]
Yeah. So I wanted to taIk to you,
[grunting]
because, uh,
This is raw.
...an increase in ad pages is...
Well, it's really onIy part of the equation
in terms of achieving the bottom Iine
my bosses want me to hit.
Understand, Teddy K. is making cuts across the board here.
In point of fact, I have to cut
$300,000 saIary from the saIes team immediateIy.
[grunting]
I don't make that much money, Carter.
I knowhow much you make, Dan.
Well,
I wish you'd toId me that I was fired
before I ate the goddamn fish.
Oh, Dan£¡ Dan£¡ Dan£¡
[cIearing throat]
I'm--I'm not Ietting you go here.
You're not?
No.
You are an excellent saIesman.
You ran a good team.
I think that you have the potentiaI
to be an awesome wingman here.
An awesome wingman?
[Iaughing]
B-But, Carter, I definiteIy see the benefit for you
in having an awesome wingman.
But what is the benefit for me at this point in my career
of being an awesome wingman?
Well,
one benefit at this point in your career
is that you get to keep your job.
That's a pretty good benefit, don't you think?
(Enrique) Really? Really£¡ Are you smiIing?
You're smiIing£¡ This is funny to you.
Guess what? You have no idea
what a nightmare you're about to step into, my friend.
[door opening]
A-hoIe£¡
We'll see how soon this pIace goes down the poop chute without me.
Maybe there is justice in the worId.
(Enrique) You enjoying yourseIves? Great.
[phone ringing]
&&[Gone For Good by The Shins pIaying]
& Untie me, I've said no vows &
& The train is getting way too loud &
Carter is ready for you.
& I gotta leave here my girl &
& Get on with my lonely life &
Dan, uh, I'd Iike you to take a Iook at one of these forms for me.
It's a 360 evaIuation. Mmm-hmm.
It's basically an evaIuation from every angIe.
That's why it's called a 360.
It's corporate poIicy.
But it wouId be great if I had it by Monday.
If you really want to get aggressive,
to penetrate that core demographic--
I beIieve that-- Dan, not now.
Sports America is the number one magazine, boys 1 3 to 1 8 in the country.
& I spent 12 long months on the lam &
& That's enough sitting on the fence &
[Kim on answering machine] Hi, leave me a message or don't.
[machine beeping]
Hi, it's me.
I mean, you know it's me.
Uh, just filling up the oId maiIbox. So give me a call
or don't.
& And go out of my head &
& You love a sinking stone &
Here, boy.
& That'll never elope &
& So get used to the lonesome &
Oh, hi, Mrs. Cherneski.
No, I didn't know he moved out.
Well, tell him Carter says hi.
Here, boy£¡
Hey.
(male announcer) And he is dropped right on the goal line.
Tackled by Bob Colder, Leahey held on to the ball...
Hello? Hey, Dan.
It's Carter.
Who?
Carter Duryea.
[chuckIing]
Thought we'd get the group together tomorrow.
Maybe go over some business deveIopment ideas.
Tomorrow's Sunday.
I know. It'll be great. We'll get a great jump on the week.
Not the whoIe day, just a coupIe of hours in the afternoon.
I'll tell you what, I will see you there at noon.
Uh, I'll bring some sushi. It'll be a Iot of fun.
Okay? Great. All right.
& You love a sinking stone &
& That'll never elope &
& So get used to the lonesome &
& Girl, you must atone some &
& Don't leave me no phone number there &&
[footsteps approaching]
What are you doing?
What?
[cIearing throat]
Um, nothing.
I was just, uh, seeing stars.
Ever do that?
Yeah, when I was three.
Hey, what are you doing here on a Sunday?
Sunday is a fun day to kick some ass.
AbsoIuteIy.
Guess what? I have my whoIe team coming in today.
Hey, Dan Foreman's here. You shouId really meet him.
Yeah, I'd rather not get personally invoIved.
Didn't we decide to Iet him go?
Uh, no, we Iet Enrique CoIon go instead. Remember?
Yeah. That's right.
Did a IittIe coIon cIeansing.
Get it?
[both Iaughing]
Hey, you want to grab some dinner tonight?
Ooh, wish I couId.
I got to fIy to BerIin to meet with some of our satellite guys.
Ha, too bad.
Somethin' wrong?
Um...
My wife and I are having some probIems and, uh, I was just--
Okay, I got to go.
Listen, uh, you're gonna have to riff some more peopIe, man.
Okay. Riff them?
Reduction in forces. Shitcan them.
Right. Um, but I think we're gonna get ad pages up here.
So I don't think we need to riff anybody yet.
Well, sooner or Iater everybody has to deaI with reaIity.
Thanks for coming in.
You, great job today.
Louie, great job. You want to, uh, grab a drink or something?
You know, I'd Iove to, but I'm a recovering aIcohoIic.
Well, better not, then.
How about you, Morty. Drink?
Uh, I'd better get home for dinner.
My wife is sIowIy poisoning me to death
and she gets very angry if I'm Iate.
Okay. AIicia?
Uh, you know what, I got to go home and do my hair.
Oh, shut up.
[chuckIing]
How about you, Dan? You want to, uh, grab a drink or something?
[grunting] It's Sunday.
I have to go home and have dinner with my famiIy.
You want to have dinner with my famiIy?
Oh, yeah£¡ Are you... Let me, uh, Iet me just grab my stuff.
Wait.
[tires squeaIing]
Who taught you how to drive?
No one.
No kidding.
I'm home.
Yes.
Oh, this is what I'm taIking about.
This is Iike a reaI home-type home.
Hey, sweetheart. This is Carter Duryea from the office.
Hello, it's nice to meet you. Hey, Mrs. Foreman.
What a pIeasure to meet you.
Thank you so much for having me into your home.
[cIearing throat] You're very weIcome.
I hope you Iike baked ziti.
Baked ziti£¡ Uh, this is... This is so perfect.
That baked ziti. That's so... This is what I need.
Like a-- Like a reaI, home-cooked thing.
This is great.
Is there something wrong with him?
CIearIy.
Let's just feed him and get him the hell outta here, okay?
He's really young.
He's a Iot younger than you.
Yeah. Thank you for that. Thank you.
[chuckIing]
So, um, I did the numbers on NYU.
Do you knowhow expensive that pIace is?
Hmm. PIus Iiving expenses.
PIus Jana's orthodonture. PIus baby costs.
Don't worry about it.
Well, that's not actually a soIution to a probIem. ¡°Don't worry about it.¡±
I think we may have to take out a second mortgage.
Why don't I just go into the Iiving room and ask my boss for a raise?
Oh, hey.
I was, uh, just Iooking at you and...
And you've...
We never got to...
That day in the eIevator.
My name's Carter Duryea.
Yeah, I know who you are.
Does my dad know you're here?
Uh, your dad invited me over for dinner.
Technically.
Uh, who's that?
Uh, it's Dad's new boss.
You can't be Dad's new boss. You're too young.
Yeah, and he's aIso scared shitIess.
Wow, good memory.
And you're too cute to be Dad's boss.
Oh, well, thank you.
[phone ringing]
I got it£¡
[sighing]
So, uh, how's it going?
Okay.
So what are you doing here, really?
Uh, my wife Ieft me, and today's the anniversary of our first date.
I found the idea of going home to be so depressing
that I kind of Ieeched onto your dad
and invited myseIf over for dinner.
[snickering]
Wow, you're sort of a bizarreIy honest guy. Huh?
No.
No. HonestIy, I'm...
[chuckIing]
I'm not.
Just around you, for some reason.
PeopIe wouId probabIy say that I'm an emotionally guarded
anaI-retentive asshoIe.
You wanna pIay foosball? Okay.
CooI, I'll just change.
Okay. Good. Yeah.
Do you think AIex couId cope with Iiving in the city on her own?
[sighing]
Well, I'm Iess worried about her coping with it than I am about you.
Yeah, well, frankIy, I'd rather keep her under house arrest
with a homing device around her ankIe.
Then why did you agree to it without even taIking to me?
[grunting]
And why is your teenage boss here?
And why am I so nauseous?
I hardIy had any morning sickness the first two times.
Hey, hey, hey£¡
and I'm so sick of it£¡
CaIm down. Let me have that.
[gasping]
[sighing]
[retching]
I'm not really that into tennis anymore.
What I'm really not into is being the jock.
You know, it's Iike peopIe don't even invite me to their parties
because they think I'm in training or something.
AIso, there's this rumor going around that I'm a Iesbian.
[Carter chuckIing] Man, that sucks.
Or not. I don't... Not being a Iesbian.
Yeah, well, I'm not.
It'd be one thing if I wanted to go pro and make a ton of money,
but I'm not at that IeveI.
I've pIayed girIs at that IeveI and I'm not.
I mean, not that I'd want that, really.
Their Iives have peaked by the time they're Iike 21 .
Oh, nice.
I wonder that about myseIf sometimes, too.
Like maybe my Iife has peaked at 26.
Maybe it's all downhill from here.
Well, it probabIy is.
[chuckIing] Yeah.
Here you go. Keep the change.
Dinner's ready£¡
I'm on an important call£¡
With who?
My boyfriend.
Your what?
Hi, this is Mr. Foreman. Who is this and how oId are you?
All right. Well, I just wanted to say
if you ever give my daughter an aIcohoIic beverage or a joint,
I will hunt you down and neuter you.
(Jana) Dad£¡
Dinner's ready£¡
[door squeaking]
There you are.
You kids ready to come in for dinner?
[crickets chirping]
[sighing]
[whispering] God.
(Carter) I Iived in the same town as my mom.
And I mean... You know what I mean?
The entire... The whoIe famiIy thing was--
Right. Yes, I'm...
No, no, it's really not a good time right now.
(Jana) I know, but I really Iike him a Iot.
Oh, my God, this pizza's amazing. Where'd you get this?
It's from a wonderfuI IittIe ItaIian restaurant called Domino's.
So, are you really Dad's new boss?
We're not, uh, we're really more colleagues.
No, that's not true. He's the boss man. I'm the wingman.
(Jana) Are you married? You're wearing a wedding ring.
Um, yes, I am, sort of.
Um, or... Yes, no. I'm married.
So you're Iike prematureIy oId.
Jana, wouId you pass the pizza?
I got it. Oh, my God, Dan. My bad.
I'm sorry. I mean, I got it. I got it.
Carter, Carter, C-Carter.
OnIy my wife is allowed to touch me there.
[sighing]
Excuse me. I'm gonna go upstairs.
I'm gonna change my pants again.
Good job.
[chuckIing]
Thank you.
Thank you so much. Terrific pepperoni, by the way.
You're very weIcome. Goodbye. Go home.
Okay.
Good night.
Thanks again.
&&[Naked As We Came by Iron And Wine pIaying]
& She says, "Wake up, it's no use pretending" &
& I'll keep stealing, breathing her &
[engine starts]
& Birds are leaving over autumn's ending &
& One of us will die inside these arms &
& Eyes wide open &
& Naked as we came &
& One will spread our &
& ashes around the yard &
& She says, "If I leave before you, darling &
& Don't you waste me in the ground" &
& I lay smiling like our sleeping children &
& One of us will die inside these arms &
(Dan) Oh, here.
I got you some pepper spray.
& Eyes wide open, naked as we came &
Oh, how sweet. Yeah.
And I've installed surveillance equipment throughout the dorm.
So I'll know if you're getting into troubIe.
Okay.
& One will spread our ashes around the yard &&
Be carefuI.
Okay.
I Iove you, Dad.
Love you, too.
[grunting]
See you Iater.
Bye.
Sign here, here, and here.
And you've got your second mortgage.
Sign, uh, there, there, and there.
And it's officiaI.
You're divorced.
[cars honking]
(Carter) Okay, two things.
First, SteckIe is organizing a company basketball Ieague.
I'm gonna be saIes team captain.
You are my new power forward.
And second, I heard you're taking the guys from Rums Jamaica
to the Knicks game on Wednesday night?
Yeah.
You have to run that stuff by me, man.
Run it by you? They're my cIients.
No, they're not, Dan. They're GIobeCom cIients.
That's why we're gonna be takin' 'em to the GIobeCom Iuxury suite.
Well, these aren't Iuxury suite type of guys.
Dan, everyone's a Iuxury suite type of guy.
[chuckIing]
Uh, we can't go there on Wednesday, because Teddy K.
is hosting Bill CIinton, Jay-Z, and Kofi Annan.
We're gonna do it Thursday.
I'll bring them to a concert.
Look, I gotta get these guys to up their buy by 1 8 pages.
We gotta start kicking some ass here.
[sighing]
I'm gonna have to Iet some peopIe go.
Why do you say ¡°Iet them go¡±?
They don't want to go.
Why don't you just say, ¡°fire them¡±?
Because it sounds better.
Not to the person getting fired, it doesn't.
& You wanna get with me? & & Put 'em up &
& Take long trips with me & & Yeah &
This guy was shot 1 2 times and pronounced Iegally dead.
Hence the name.
Someone shouId tell him it's spelled D-E-A-D.
[Iaughing]
They're afraid to.
He's got the number one hit singIe right now.
He's a protege of 50 Cent.
Why don't they just call him ¡°NickeI¡±?
[Iaughing] What?
20 years, your jokes still haven't improved.
(Carter) Want you guys to meet my colleague.
This is Petey from K-Jam Sneakers.
Hey, hey.
Hmm.
Cross-promotionaI idea.
You buy a certain amount of Jamaican rum, boom.
You get a discount on running shoes. Done.
Yeah, sounds Iike a great fit.
Get a Iot of drunk peopIe running around.
[Iaughing]
Dan. You want to go get some air?
Yeah.
Be back in a bit.
Word. Hey, not too Iong. We got chimichangas on the way.
& You wanna get with me? Take long trips with me &&
Sorry about the concert.
They wouIdn't Iet me just get reguIar seats for the Knicks game.
No, it's okay.
Look, Dan. I've been instructed not to advertise
with Sports America anymore.
What?
We were bought out Iast year by this company called ContinentaI Brands.
ApparentIy, the company that bought us
and the company that bought you
are having a feud over wireIess communications in Europe.
WireIess communications?
What--what the hell does that have to do with our business?
Nothing. But we have this corporate poIicy now.
Look, I'm sorry, Dan.
&&[music pIaying]
[sighing]
Dan, I have to
fire Louie and Morty.
No, you don't.
I do.
We're gonna get those ad pages back.
We'll get those...
Oh, my God£¡ It's Iike you don't get it or something.
That was a huge cIient.
SteckIe gave me a bottom Iine here.
I have to increase pages.
We aIready got Harry, Pete, and AIicia on the Ford account.
Morty's the IogicaI choice.
Oh, and the new woman at Pepsi thinks that Louie's a sexist.
Guess why. He called her ¡°sugar tits.¡±
He's an idiot.
Come on, you can't fire these guys.
These are my guys.
They've been with me for eight years.
I hired them at the same time.
Yeah, I know, Dan.
That's why they have huge, bIoated saIaries.
And they're not pulling their weight.
I'm sorry.
Well, I've been here for 23 years.
My saIary's bigger than theirs. Why don't you just fire me?
Do you want me to fire you?
Because I couId, Dan.
You have a famiIy that Ioves you.
You have a kid on the way.
I Iook at you sometimes and it's Iike...
You have peopIe who need you.
Do you really wanna put them in jeopardy for Louie and Morty?
&&[Sunset Soon Forgotten by Iron And Wine pIaying]
& Be this sunset soon forgotten &
& And what's worth keepin' &
& Sun still sinkin' &
[sighing]
& Down and down &
& Once again &
& Down and down &
& Gone again &&
What, are you Iiving here now?
[sniffing]
What... We, uh... What time is it?
7£º00 a.m.
Look, I've been thinking all night.
[breathing deepIy]
And, uh, if it has to be done,
I shouId be the one to do it.
[phone ringing]
[Dan sighing]
[sighing]
Guys, I feeI really terribIe about what I'm about to say.
But I'm afraid you're both being Iet go.
Let go? What does that mean?
It means you're being fired, Louie.
BeIieve me, if I had any choice in this, I wouId...
[sighing]
Anyway, I thought you shouId hear it from me
because I'm the one who hired you.
Oh. Wait a minute. Are you being fired, too?
No, no. Uh...
[cIearing throat]
This isn't my decision.
Oh, so it's not your decision, so therefore it's not your fauIt, right?
I didn't say that.
You know, this is bullshit.
Louie. No, no, Morty.
You know something? I Iook at you Iike a brother.
I wouId've stood in front of a bus for you, you piece of shit£¡
You've turned into a reaI corporate asshoIe, you know that, Dan?
Louie.
Do me a favor. If you see my friend Dan, tell him I'm Iooking for him.
Louie£¡
Dan, what the hell am I gonna tell my wife?
I mean, she aIready wears the pants.
Now she's gonna wear the tie and jacket, too.
Morty, I am so very sorry.
I know this must have been hard for you, Dan.
You were a good boss.
I mean it. You aIways treated everyone with respect. And I...
Look, I appreciate it.
What's this?
My 360 evaIuation.
Uh, you rated yourseIf, ¡°Does not meet expectations.¡±
Yeah.
I'm gonna cry.
Don't. I'll call you.
Take care, Morty.
[whispering] Okay, good Iuck.
(AIicia) Morty. Oh.
I can't beIieve this.
Me neither.
You gonna be okay?
I'll be okay.
Take care.
No way£¡ What are... What are you doing here?
Hey£¡ Um,
just reading. I-I've-- I go to NYU now.
No way£¡ Yeah.
You did it£¡ That's... That's awesome.
Yeah, yeah. What about you?
I'm renting an apartment in TriBeCa.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Wow, that's awesome.
Do you drink coffee?
No£¡ Uh, normally I just hook up to an IV, actually.
[both Iaugh]
[car honking]
My, you sure can pound back the caffeine, huh?
Is that why your Ieg is shaking Iike that?
I think it is. Yeah.
You're not wearing your wedding band.
Oh. Yeah. I'm now officially
the first person in my high schooI cIass
to get divorced.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
When I think about it honestIy,
it was pretty much coming since our second date.
How's... How are you? How's schooI going?
It's pretty good.
I mean, you know, it's, it's, uh...
it's hard to meet new peopIe as a transfer.
Everybody's got their own IittIe cIiques
and they're not sure if they want to admit one more.
But, uh, my creative writing cIasses are really great.
Oh, yeah, creative writing?
Yeah. I've just, uh...
I've aIways been interested in stories
and escaping into other peopIe's Iives.
I guess 'cause mine aIways seems so boring.
I'm cursed with a functionaI famiIy.
But writing isn't exactIy practicaI.
So I think I might doubIe major in business.
Oh, no. Don't do that.
Stick with the creative writing.
Strange, you know, sometimes you seem sort of
bummed out about your career, but you're so successfuI.
No, I'm not bummed. Uh...
God, my career is pretty much what I have in my Iife.
That and a dented Porsche, right?
[Iaughs]
Your famiIy must be really proud of you.
My mom is.
You know, she's... She's this kind of hippie.
So she's not really into the corporate thing.
And my dad Ieft home when I was 4,
so, you know, I never really got to knowhim.
His famiIy had money,
but, uh, he was this kind of artist
you know, in quotes, sIash druggy.
Uh, he was in this cuIt for a whiIe.
Do you, do you... Let's get out of here.
Do you want to, Iike, take a waIk or something?
I'm Iike, uh... Now that I've toId you my entire Iife story.
Sure.
AIthough, uh, there isn't much Ieft to taIk about.
&&[Cannonball by Damien Rice pIaying]
Really?
& Still a little bit of your taste &
& In my mouth &
& Still a little bit of you laced &
& With my doubt &
& Still a little hard to say &
...wear these giant muumuus that were see-through.
& What's going on & They were see-through?
Yeah. That's cooI.
& Stones taught me to fly &
& Love taught me to lie &
Thank you.
So...
& Life taught me to die &
& So it's not hard to fall &
Right.
& When you float like a cannonball &&
You want to see my dorm room, maybe?
Hey, don't get the wrong idea.
I--I don't invite guys to my room often.
Or ever, actually.
Okay.
Oh.
I'm having a major college fIashback here.
Aw, come on, oId man.
My roommate's out for the night.
Really? She's, oh...
I was really Iooking forward to meeting her.
Yeah, she's onIy miIdIy chemically imbaIanced.
Ta-da£¡
Oh.
[door cIoses]
Yeah, this is awesome.
Yeah, it's okay.
Uh, I heard this rumor
that aIcohoI impairs your judgment.
I wish you weren't so beautifuI.
I'm not.
No, AIex. You are.
Thank you.
[sighs]
&&[Spanish song playing]
[Iighter cIicking]
Well, it Iooks Iike everything's perfect.
So why are you still taIking?
What?
Oh, nothing.
I was just thinking about how my dad said
he put surveillance cameras in the buiIding.
[chuckIes] That's...
That's hiIarious.
[phone ringing]
Where to now?
You're all going to the 29th fIoor.
Oh, great. I hear there's, uh,
fantastic air-conditioning on that fIoor.
[phone ringing]
Hey, Dan, how's your commute?
Can you beIieve we're moving offices aIready?
By the way, first b-ball game against the 51 st fIoor corporate VPs.
So, uh... Oh, weird. I guess that's this fIoor now.
What's wrong with you?
Me? Um... Are you... Nothing. Um, nothing.
You're acting jumpy.
Did you switch from mocha to crack?
Whoa, Dan. That's, uh...
You're coming off really paranoid right now.
[chuckIes]
You're weirding me out, buddy.
Crack. That's...
[phone ringing]
&&[Ten Years Ahead by Soundtrack of Our Lives pIaying]
& Well, it's so good &
& I didn't have to make it &
& It's so good & Hey, AIex.
Haven't taIked to you in a few days.
It's your dad, by the way.
Give us a call.
& 'Cause I'm ten years ahead &
& And you're the echo of the things I say &
& Yes, I'm ten years ahead &
You understand this is totally demoraIizing for me, so...
[Iaughing]
Sorry.
I don't think you shouId force it, honey.
[grunts] Don't force it.
Don't say it.
& Well, it's no good &
& Revolving around me &
Hey, AIex.
Uh, Ieft a message for you at the dorm and on your phone.
Guess you have your cell phone turned off.
Give us a call.
& When you cannot reach me &
I'm fired?
& 'Cause I'm ten years ahead &
& And you're the echo of the words I say &
[sighs] I'm sorry.
& Yes, I'm ten years ahead &&
But I've worked here for 5 years.
[sniffs]
It's been an honor.
[phone ringing]
(Carter) Okay, you ready?
Will you be okay with that thing?
Oh, yeah, fine.
Hey, uh, what's that big guy doing here?
He's one of the moving men.
Uh, I guess, uh, SteckIe recruited him for his VP team.
Oh, that's fair.
Wonder if I can still dunk.
You couId dunk?
Oh, yeah. Can't you? You're 26.
[chuckIes]
Heads up£¡
Whoa£¡ Hey.
What's up?
Word on the street is, Teddy K.'s on the prowI.
Soon as he gets back from his around-the-worId balloon trip,
he's gonna go munch on ContinentaI Brands.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, great.
Maybe they'll advertise in the magazine again.
I'm sorry, who are you?
Mark, this is Dan Foreman.
He's the one I was telling you about,
heIped us cIose that Toys 'R' Us deaI.
Oh, Carter's being modest.
He did most of the work. Aw.
That's beautifuI.
Maybe you two shouId get a room.
You pussies ready to get schooIed?
[chuckIes]
[whistIe bIows]
[peopIe cheering]
[man whooping]
[crowd cheers]
[crowd cheering]
[Iaughing]
[SteckIe Iaughing]
(SteckIe) Oh£¡
Not in my house£¡ No, no, no.
(SteckIe) Do it, baby. Do it, baby. It's for me. For me.
(SteckIe) Go ahead, donkey£¡
You can't guard me.
(Theo) Get down. Get down there£¡
(SteckIe) Mine. He's mine. HeIp. HeIp.
Yes£¡
[all cheering]
Let's go£¡ Get down, Jimmy.
Yo, Krouse£¡ Fist£¡ Fist£¡
That's right£¡ Move£¡ Come on. Come on.
I'll take the big man.
Hey, ease up, my man.
You're gonna have a heart attack.
What's the matter? Can't take a IittIe D?
(SteckIe) Open£¡ Get open£¡
(AIicia) Let's go, Dan£¡ Yes£¡
Yeah, yeah£¡ Throw it down£¡
(Theo) Dunk it£¡
[all groaning]
Oh, shit.
[ball bouncing]
[grunts]
I'm okay. I'm okay.
[excIaims]
I'll be right back.
Just give me a second.
[Dan groans] Damn.
[moans]
[phone ringing]
(Alex) This is Alex's cell phone.
Please leave a message. Thanks.
[phone beeps]
&&[Those to Come by The Shins pIaying]
& Eyeless in the morning sun &
& You were pale and mild, a modern girl &
& Taken with thought, still prone to care &
& Makin' tea in your underwear &
& You went out in the yard to find &&
What's her name?
Who? What? Who?
The fish.
Oh. Uh, it's a he. And, uh, his name is Buddy.
Ah.
Does Buddy want a friend?
Buddy had a friend. Um, he ate him. So...
[chuckIes]
You mind if I, uh--uh...
Sure. Yeah. You... Yeah.
I want to, I want to ask you something.
Okay.
[cIears throat] When, uh...
When you were 1 8,
did you ever return your parents' phone calls?
Uh, well, they never called.
But, uh, yeah, I'm sure I wouId've.
Well, my oIdest daughter, she won't call me back.
And I feeI Iike going down to NYU and kidnapping her
so I can stop worrying about her.
[stammering]
That sounds Iike a really bad idea.
Uh, Iook, AIex seems, um,
from the very brief time that I met her,
to be pretty savvy.
I don't think you have to worry about her too much.
She's a smart, terrific woman.
GirI. Or smart young Iady. Whatever.
What I'm trying to say is that, uh,
I think she can probabIy take care of herseIf.
Dan, you seem to have the perfect marriage.
How do you do it?
You just pick the right one to be in the foxhoIe with
and then when you're outside of the foxhoIe,
you keep your dick in your pants.
[Carter Iaughing]
Well, that's poetic.
(AIicia) Oh, my God. Did she outdo herseIf or what?
(AIicia) All right. Oh, yeah. Make way.
Coming through with the cake here.
[all chattering]
&&[music pIaying]
Oh, hey, Theo. How's...
[all chattering]
Hey, uh, where do I put this?
All right.
It's a rager, huh?
Okay.
Are you still gIad you decided not to have a birthday party?
Yep, not in the mood this year.
Well, Mom says you couId use a IittIe fun.
She says you shouId Iighten up for the sake of your heaIth.
She does, does she?
They're here. Everybody hide.
You go ahead, sweetheart.
I'm going to check the maiIbox.
Okay. CooI.
[dog barking]
Quiet, he's going to be here in a second.
[door opening]
[door cIoses]
(all) Surprise£¡
Surprise?
[all screaming]
Dad£¡
Hey, Morty.
Hey, nice party.
Thanks for coming. Sure.
How are you?
Not so good, not so good.
I mean psychoIogically.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's okay.
Anyway, my wife got a promotion.
I'm hoping she'll raise my allowance.
But this is good punch.
Happy birthday. Good party.
[dog barking]
You Iook-- you Iook really beautifuI.
Thank you.
And, um...
This is really not a big deaI. But I, uh...
I got something for you.
It's not my birthday.
Go on.
HoIy shit.
[Iaughs]
Wow£¡ Are these reaI diamonds?
It's too expensive.
No. No, don't. No.
I feeI funny.
I'm sorry. I don't... I mean, it's not... I--I...
It just feIt good to...
It's sweet.
It's very sweet. Thank you.
You're the kind of person
that's it's good to be in a foxhoIe with.
We're not in a foxhoIe. We're in a Porsche.
(Dan) A sIing.
(woman) Yes.
(Dan) Betsy, I wish you well, too.
[all Iaughing]
Let's see, what.... Wow.
And this couId be what?
[all Iaughing]
That's good. Epsom saIts.
[all Iaugh]
(AIicia) Do you Iike them?
(Theo) Imported from Jersey.
[peopIe Iaughing]
(AIicia) Don't tell me you aIready have some.
[all Iaughing]
[chuckIes]
It's got that easy--easy-pour spout on it, too.
[all Iaughing]
(AIicia) SpeciaI for you.
[all chattering]
[car honks]
[car honking]
Thanks.
She waits.
Okay.
(Carter) Hey.
Hi.
Sorry I'm Iate.
Work has been just nuts.
That's okay. I have a cIass at 3£º00.
[car honking]
Oh, you're... You're wearing the neckIace.
Yeah. Yeah. I feeI Iike an impostor.
But it's nice. An impostor?
No, you Iook...
Hey. Doesn't she Iook beautifuI?
She does.
(waiter) Now, we have three speciaIs today.
Avocado soup with awapuhi oiI,
bIuefin tuna with Awapuhi and jaIapeno sashimi.
(waiter) We have caIamari fritti
with Awapuhi oiI on the side.
We aIso have, uh, sicafreed Iobster taiI.
Can I get that with a side of Awapuhi oiI?
WeIcome. May I heIp you?
Oh, shit.
Hi, is there going to be a third?
I have just one question.
Are you sIeeping with him?
I'm going to get you foIks some bread.
Uh, Dan, this isn't what it Iooks Iike.
Oh, yeah? What does it Iook Iike?
Tell me. What do you think it Iooks Iike?
Well, I'm sure it Iooks Iike some kind of sIeazy, tawdry...
AIex, I asked you a question. Are you sIeeping with him?
What do you want me to say, Dad?
[sighs]
Get up.
What?
Get up.
Dad£¡
Pardon me, sir, but I don't think you shouId treat--
Back off, before I drop-kick you across this restaurant.
You are a piece of shit£¡
Dan, I Iove her.
You what?
I Iove her.
[Carter panting]
I Iove you.
You Iove her? She's my daughter.
She's in college. She's a college student.
I took out a fricking second mortgage so she couId go.
Three years ago she was in braces.
I'm sorry.
This guy.
You had to sIeep with him?
Dad, I...
Dad...
(AIex) Dad.
[groans]
Dad£¡ Wait, I'm sorry.
This had nothing to do with you.
He's my boss, AIex.
I know. But it just happened.
We made a deaI, remember?
We made a deaI we'd aIways be honest with one another.
Dad, I was Iike 5 years oId when we made that deaI.
Yeah. I Iiked you better then.
That's awfuI.
That's an awfuI thing to say.
Dad, pIease don't waIk away. I want to taIk to you.
Why? You don't need my advice about anything.
[door opening]
Hey, you.
Hey.
Hey, Carter. Wow, that's some shiner.
Thanks.
Maya, couId we have some privacy, pIease?
Sure. AbsoIuteIy.
[growIs]
Sit down.
Hey, can I get you some ice for that?
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
[cIears throat]
Um, there's no ice.
But the soda's coId.
Oh, thanks.
Look, I wanted to apoIogize, uh, for my timing when...
Uh, with the ¡°L¡± word.
It just kind of sIipped out.
But I've been thinking about it a Iot IateIy,
and it's how I feeI. It's really important to me--
Oh, that's really sweet.
Well, I mean it.
I know you probabIy think you do.
But I-I've been doing a Iot of thinking, too,
and I'm
taking anthropoIogy cIasses.
And I'm doing a doubIe major.
Yeah.
And I'm just... I'm really busy.
Yeah. Uh, I'm just not...
I'm not ready for a big commitment.
Yes, that's...
[chuckIes] That's what I'm saying.
[sighs]
Look, when I said I Ioved you,
I didn't mean that I wanted to interfere in your cIasses
or, you know, whatever.
I'm not taIking about marriage or anything yet.
Carter. Look.
I've had an amazing time with you,
and I think you're a great guy.
But you are on the rebound.
No, I'm not.
Carter, you are.
I mean, it was not that Iong ago that your wife Ieft you.
Best thing that ever happened to me.
Well, that's great.
But then that's a good thing whether you're with me or not.
I think we shouId stop seeing each other.
AIex.
[Iaughs] AIex, come on.
I just want you to know
I enjoyed taIking to you more than
maybe anyone in my entire Iife.
Thank you.
Me, too.
[door opening]
Dad, where have you been?
Your cell phone was off.
I tried to call you Iike a thousand times.
What happened? Where's your mom?
(Ann) There you are.
Are you okay?
I'm fine. Yes, I'm fine.
The baby's fine.
I had a IittIe scare.
There was some bIeeding.
What? What is it?
A pIacenta previa.
It sounds bad, but, uh, it's okay.
[chuckIes]
I just need some rest.
If anything ever happened to you, I'd just have to pack it in.
Oh, I'm afraid you're going to be stuck with me for a whiIe.
[door opening]
[sniffs]
How's she doing?
She's okay.
You know, I broke up with Carter.
Because of me?
No. Because of me.
I'm sorry I Iied to you.
But, you know, I think you shouId know
that Carter didn't try to seduce me or anything.
If anything, it was the other way around.
I really don't want to hear the detaiIs.
[grunts]
I mean, unIess you want to tell me, and...
No. No, not particuIarIy.
Good.
[sighs]
You must think I'm disgusting.
Disgusting?
Why on earth wouId I think that?
I didn't know that you took out a second mortgage.
I don't need to go to NYU.
SUNY's fine. It's fine.
No, no, you are staying at NYU.
Look, AIex.
You're a really smart woman.
And you can take care of yourseIf.
And I'm going to try
and adjust.
You don't have to change, Dad.
Yeah. I do.
[computer beeps]
It's going to be okay. Muchachos!
(Teddy K.) Good. Hello, how are you? I know.
(Teddy K.) Tell him not to be Iate this time.
(Teddy K.) Hi, how you doing? Good to see you.
Hi. Oh, nice brooch.
Thank you, sir.
Must be paying her too much money.
Mark SteckIe. Hi.
Ah, Mark SteckIe, how are you?
Very psyched. How's it going?
Very good. Good, good.
Right this way. Hi.
How you doing? Nice to see you.
How are you? Good to see you.
(Teddy K.) Thank you.
Carter Duryea.
Oh, yes. Cell phones.
Yes. Thank you.
I'm at Sports America now.
Well, that's the fIagship.
What happened to your eye?
Yeah, what happened there?
I fell-- I fell asIeep at my computer.
Just kind of banged right into the monitor.
Those things can be dangerous.
[all Iaughing]
(Teddy K.) Keep up the good work.
I wouIdn't be surprised
if he announces another big takeover today.
Teddy K.£¡
(Teddy K.) Great to see you. Thank you.
(Teddy K.) Thank you.
Synergy. What does it mean?
(Teddy K.) Why does a business swim with it
and sink without it,
in this new ocean of megabytes,
streaming video and satellites?
Every day,
the worId becomes more compIex.
And to survive in a compIex worId,
we need compIex bonds to interface with it.
In this room,
I see this.
What we're trying to get to, is this.
(Teddy K.) This is unbreakabIe.
This is inevitabIe.
(Teddy K.) What are we buiIding here? Is it a company?
Or are we buiIding a new country with no nationaI boundaries?
A new democracy for the consumer.
A new democracy with a new eIectorate.
24-hour music videos in KuaIa Lumpur.
Computers with parts manufactured in Japan,
GreenIand, Idaho, India.
A soft drink ad going out simuItaneousIy
to seven different continents.
The DaIai LIama eating his Krispity Krunch
whiIe upIoading prayers onto the Net.
Woman's World magazine.
Well, why not Woman's WorId ChanneI across the worId?
Computers.
Why not a computer section in Sports America magazine?
[chuckIes]
(Dan) Uh, excuse me. Excuse me.
Yes?
Uh, uh...
Uh, my name is, uh, uh, Dan Foreman. I...
I work for Sports America and I'm not sure
I--I understand what you're taIking about.
(Dan) W-what I mean is--is
what do computers have to do with sports?
Are you... Are--are you Iiterally saying
that there shouId be a section in the magazine
about computers?
Who's going to want to read that?
Um...
[cIears throat] And, uh...
[sighs]
I-I'm not sure I understand
how the way the worId is changing
is actually going to change how we do business.
We're still selling a product, right?
Which hopefully someone needs.
We're human beings with other human beings for customers.
So I don't see how this company is Iike its own country.
I mean, just because we sell different kinds of things,
that doesn't mean we shouId operate by our own Iaws, does it?
Besides which, countries, at Ieast democratic ones,
they have some obIigation to their citizens, don't they?
(Dan) So how do Iayoffs
and bottom Iine thinking fit into that?
Dan Foreman.
Sports America.
You ask some excellent questions.
Excellent, excellent questions.
I'm gIad you asked them.
And I'm Ieaving it to you,
to all of you, to answer them.
Hmm.
Teddy K.£¡
(SteckIe) Teddy K.£¡ Teddy K.£¡
(Carter) Oh, my God, Dan. Oh, my God.
(SteckIe) Good, you're both in here.
You, I'll taIk to in a second.
You, have you Iost your frigging mind?
Well, he said they were excellent questions.
Okay, you think this is funny.
You think it's funny to disrespect a great man.
Do you know who you were just taIking to in there?
That was Teddy K.£¡ Teddy K., God damn it£¡
Look, we've been carrying
your fat, bIoated saIary for way too Iong.
(SteckIe) I want you out of this buiIding
within the next 1 0 minutes.
I'm going to my office.
I'm going to smoke a nice Cuban cigar
and try to forget that you ever existed.
You, in my office now.
Mark, don't do that.
Excuse me?
Look.
The guy busts his ass and--
And what?
Nothing. I'm sorry.
(Carter) I just... If you fire him,
you're going to have to fire me, too.
Wait.
Let me get something straight here.
You're throwing yourseIf in with him?
With this useIess, over-the-hill Ioser?
Think here. Think about what you're doing,
because if you're not carefuI, you couId end up Iike him.
I guess that that wouId be okay.
All right.
Then you're fired, too, you IittIe shit.
Well, that's too bad,
'cause, uh, you're gonna Iose a huge account that Dan and I've been working on.
It was gonna save the year for us.
Without it, the magazine's pretty deep in the red.
Really? What account is that?
You think we'd actually tell you?
You're bIuffing.
I don't bIuff.
I'm not that good of a saIesman.
Yeah, well, I don't give a crap.
I think Teddy K. will.
See, I'm gonna call him and I'm gonna tell him
that you singIe-handedIy drove his most profitabIe magazine,
his fIagship, right into the ground.
And he'll remember my name.
He Iikes what I did with cell phones.
You've got 24 hours, or you're both gone.
[sighs]
Any ideas?
One.
You got all your research?
Yep.
Follow my Iead.
(KaIb) So, um, how are your daughters?
They're great. Thanks.
How about your grandkids?
Uh, they're fine.
My son-in-Iaw has just enrolled our oIdest, RaIphy,
in a computer camp, whatever the hell that is.
Uh, this is my boss, Carter Duryea.
It's a pIeasure to meet you, Mr. KaIb.
You have a really awesome company here.
You... It's a really awesome, awesome--
Your boss? He Iooks more Iike your nephew.
Well, I've, uh, certainIy been Iearning a Iot from Dan.
So what happened to your eye?
That's one of the things he Iearned from me.
Are you saying that you punched him in the eye? Why?
Well, it's... We don't have to really go into it here.
No, no, no, pIease, pIease. I'm--I'm--I'm rather curious.
Why did I hit you?
He called me a dinosaur.
He said I was out of date.
That I'd better step in Iine.
So you sIugged him?
It was a fair fight. Hmm?
Right.
Mr. KaIb, we have a sister company, Krispity Krunch,
that I think we couId do a really exciting cross-promotion with here,
all in the GIobeCom famiIy. Carter, Carter.
I think that we couId achieve--
Carter, it's ok. Mr. KaIb,
I don't want get into facts and figures with you today. You know them aIready.
(Dan) I just want to ask you one question.
What is your hesitation
about advertising with Sports America magazine?
My hesitation is that our ad budget is aIready overextended.
My son-in-Iawhas put a Iot of money into cabIe and onIine.
And nowhe wants to pIow even more money back into it. But...
But what?
But he is such an asshoIe£¡
I mean, I buiIt this business.
I know more about running this than he ever will.
So, yeah. I'm gonna make a major ad buy in your magazine.
And then I'm gonna restructure the whoIe damn ad campaign.
That is great news. Thank you, Mr. KaIb.
Oh. Thank... Yes. Thank you so much, sir.
You know, I don't give a shit about Krispity Krunch.
Let's just stick with the magazine, okay?
You really sIugged him?
Yeah. Carter.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, that was amazing.
That was unbeIievabIe£¡
God, that was actually fun.
What KaIb really needed to see
was an oId fart who beat the crap out of a young punk haIf his age.
And you know what the best thing is?
It's the right thing to do.
It will improve his business.
Wow, you actually, uh...
You actually beIieve in this stuff, huh?
Of course I do.
Why eIse wouId I do it? Hmm?
[eIevator bell dings]
Hey, Dan. Where you been?
Los AngeIes.
We made a huge saIe.
CongratuIations. So did Teddy K.
He soId the company to CaICor Communications.
(Carter) Mark£¡ What happened?
I thought you said Teddy K. was buying another company.
That's what they toId me, but he soId us.
I'm out.
Wait, you're out?
Yeah. They're reorganizing the whoIe company.
You're out, too. I think you're in.
I'm in what?
Your oId job.
What? Running the department?
That's the rumor.
The whoIe thing seems so arbitrary.
I feeI used.
Yeah.
Kind of tough to know you're repIaceabIe, huh?
[cIears throat] I'm--I'm sorry you Iost your jobs.
&&[Solsbury Hill by Peter GabrieI pIaying]
& Came in close, I heard a voice &
& Standing stretching every nerve &
& I had to listen, had no choice &
& I did not believe the information &
& Just had to trust imagination &
& My heart was going boom, boom, boom &
& Son, he said &
& Grab your things, I've come to take you home &
[eIevator bell dings]
& Yeah, back home &&
[phone ringing]
Hey, Dan.
Hey, Carter. Come on in.
Have a seat.
Nice office.
Yeah.
[door cIoses]
[sighs]
So.
Howhave you been the Iast month?
I've been good. Really good.
It's a IittIe weird, uh, not having to get up,
go to work in the morning.
That's why I want to taIk to you.
I want to offer you a job.
I know we definiteIy had our moments.
But I think you're a good manager and a good saIesman.
And I want you to come here and be my second-in-command.
Wow, Dan.
Uh, I... I really appreciate that.
Uh, more than you know. And I...
I think if I really want to do this for a Iiving,
there's no one I couId Iearn from more than you. But I...
Look, I don't know what I want to do with my Iife.
I know that I want it to mean something to me
the way that this means something to you.
[sighs] Oh.
God, do you think I'm being stupid?
No. No. I...
I think that sounds right.
So how's the famiIy?
Uh, Ann's fine.
Uh, the baby's coming Tuesday after next Tuesday.
Oh. It's a... It's a cesarean.
Dan, that's amazing.
Yeah, it is.
And, uh, both girIs are...
They're doing well.
Good.
PIease, uh, give them all my best.
Yeah.
[sighs]
Dan.
Thank you.
For what?
For...
I guess for showing me a few things.
No one ever really took the time to
give me a hard time before.
Or teach me anything that was
actually worth Iearning.
[cIears throat]
All right.
[sighs] Now Iisten, Carter.
I want to tell you something.
You're going to be okay.
You think so?
Yeah. I know it.
You're a good man.
[sighs]
[sniffs]
Don't be a stranger.
[eIevator bell dings]
Morty?
Hey£¡ You're back£¡
Yeah, back in the saddIe.
And Iook at you. You're--you're...
You Iook Iike a deIivery guy.
Oh, do you know Dan's daughter AIex?
Yeah. What are you doing here?
I'm surprising my dad. Tennis.
(Morty) AIex is a fantastic tennis pIayer.
She was a junior champ, right?
Really? Oh, you're into... You're into tennis, huh?
Yeah.
How is everything?
Good. Really...
Really good.
Um, I'm Ieaving town, actually.
I think I'm going to try teaching
or, um, maybe open an Awapuhi store.
[chuckIes] I don't know. Uh...
How are you doing?
(AIex) Good. Very good.
I've been working on some short stories.
Oh. That's awesome.
Well, I got a raise. Dan got me a raise.
Which is a good thing, because my wife just got Iaid off.
Timing's everything in Iife, right?
[eIevator bell dings] Right.
Well, good seeing you. Take care, Carter.
Yeah. Look, it was really great seeing both you guys.
You, too, Carter. It was...
It was really good to see you.
Bye.
Hi, guys.
Well?
Yes?
WeI, I'm deIighted to say
that you have a baby sister.
[chuckIes]
Are you happy, Dad?
Yeah, I'm psyched.
[cell phone rings]
Hello. Dan£¡ Hey.
Oh, my God. CongratuIations. It's amazing.
Do you have a name yet?
Oh, no, that's terrific.
Uh, probabIy because I'm jogging.
No, I'm outside.
Yes. I'm actually jogging outside.
& Please & PIaya deI Rey. Don't Iaugh.
& Remember me &
I'm thinking about getting into...
& Happily &
& By the rose bush &
& Laughing with roses on my chin &
& The time when &
& we counted every black car &
& passing your house beneath the hill &
& and up until &
& someone caught us in the kitchen &
& with knives &
& A mountain range &
& A piggy bank &
& A vision to removed to mention &
& But, please, remember me &
& fondly &
& I heard from someone you're still pretty &
& And then &
& they went on to say &
& that the pearly gates &
& are so eloquently repeated &
& Like words I've lost and found &
& And don't look down &
& And someone save temptation &
& And, please &
& remember me silently &
& In the car behind the corner &
& you hold my hand &
& between your knees &
& You turn from me &
& Said the trapeze, it was wonderful &
& But never meant to last &
& The clouds have passed &
& So we just come up with anger &
& And then &
& The circus moved &
& The parking lot &
& Hiding out, a hint of danger &
& So, please, remember me &
& fondly &
& You're my uphill crawl, my dear &
& But if I make &
& the pearly gates &
& Do my best to make a drawing of God &
& And Lucifer &
& A boy and girl &
& An angel kissin' on a silkscreen of Mars &
& The aftermath &
& A marching band &
& All around the fray just trapeze swinging &&